Lately, I have been absolutely obsessed with transitioning my birth work services to a virtual platform. I have been consumed by learning different platforms like Teachable and Mighty Networks, by defining and redefining how I want it all to look and feel, and figuring out all the behind-the-scenes details that I didn’t think about at first (like the frustrations of figuring out video, audio, lighting, recording, and hosting webinars). I have a habit of intensely focusing on where I want to be, forgetting, in the process, where I have come from. Realizing this, I took some time to look back and honor all I have accomplished in the last several years.
After a few semesters in college, I dropped out to write and self-publish a novel. Picture me, filled with angst, singing along to Kanye’s lyric, “Told ‘em I finished school and started my own business. They said, ‘Oh you graduated?’ No, I decided I was finished.” Yes, Kanye’s College Dropout had influenced more of my choices than I care to admit on this blog. But, about six years ago, I accomplished my goal. I wrote and self-published my novel. I did the whole promotion thing through television and radio appearances, book signings, and even a speaking event at the Rochester Fringe Festival. I did what I wanted and I was left thinking now what? I had been so focused on that goal that I didn’t take time for self-reflection. My promotion efforts felt hollow. I went into a depression as I realized that I had put my everything into something that only had surface-level meaning.
One afternoon, a few months after publishing, I was waiting in Fuego Coffee in Rochester to meet a friend who I was helping through the self-publishing process. While I waited, I was searching through job boards with an inkling of an idea of working in a rehab center, halfway house, or homeless shelter. My curiosity for these jobs came from my past experiences of desperately trying to help people in my own life through these things and being unsuccessful. I thought, maybe if I did this work professionally, I could actually be successful in helping people. As I looked through the boards, most of the jobs required at least an associate’s degree. I was still resisting the idea of doing what society told me I should do (i.e. getting a degree, a boring job, a house, a family, etc). But I started softening to the idea of using education to propel myself forward on a path that had real, deep meaning. It was scary though. I had no clear vision of what this work would look like. Some people are called to clearly defined professions like nurse, doctor, lawyer, or engineer. I was following some vague beckoning to touch people’s lives. I had no idea what avenue I would take. I definitely didn’t know I would take a multitude of avenues, side streets, detours—hell, I’ve pretty much been off-roading.
The person who sat in that coffee shop, searching for random jobs, didn’t know whether or not it was actually possible to lead a meaningful life. I didn’t know I could make an impact people. I wasn’t sure if I would ever feel free to be myself. Doing all of that AND supporting myself financially? Forget it.
Between then and where I am now, I have managed to do all of that and more. I didn’t just get my Associate’s Degree in Human Services but I went on to get my Bachelor’s Degree in Consumer Health. I worked full time while doing it in several different jobs that were meaningful to me and impacted people’s lives in a positive way. Sometimes when I talk about these experiences, it feels like I’m rambling off my resume. But when I really reflect, these experiences are something I can’t put into words. Every connection I’ve made and all the little moments where I helped someone during a vulnerable time in their life.
In five short years, I accomplished what I thought was impossible. These accomplishments haven’t been flashy or Instagram-able. But that has made them all the more special, like they are secrets held between me, the other individuals involved, and the universe. Looking forward to the next five years, I have a vision for how I want my life to be. I imagine building up my birth work business in a way that honors my intense desire for freedom and adventure. In the past, I have viewed this desire as a negative. I have felt like my curiosity is actually just impulsiveness. I have suppressed this innate desire by trying to make home in situations that were stifling my growth. Still, I question if I can really build a practice that allows me to go where the winds take me. I fantasize about traveling wherever I make connections with clients. If a client in Colorado is due in August, that’s where I’ll be. Then in October, another client is due in California, so I’ll go there. It seems like a wild fantasy now but I want to grow with this in mind.
This has been the main inspiration behind offering my services on a virtual platform. A limiting belief I have is that this is a super selfish motivation. In the past, I have believed that everything I do has to be out of sacrifice. Even this blog post began as me listing all the reasons virtual services can help clients. And I really do believe in these reasons. But I also believe that what is good for me is also good for my clients. When I live authentically that opens a clear portal for the clients who I am meant to serve to come through. I want other people in caring professions to know that it is okay…actually, it is necessary…to pursue your career in the way that makes sense for you. This is how we avoid burnout and resentment—the two worst enemies of people in caring professions. We need to avoid thinking that it is one or the other—either I am happy or my clients are happy. While we may not put it into these words, we are embodying this kind of energy when we believe that we need to constantly be making sacrifices for the sake of our clients.
I can list a whole slew of reasons virtual doula support may be beneficial for you. But the truth is, you already know yourself if virtual services are right for you. You know your life better than anyone else. As I grow my platform, I will provide alternative ways of getting support for the people who need it. And I know, first hand, that a lot of people can benefit from virtual support.
As a Patient Services Specialist at Planned Parenthood, I often listened to and witnessed patients’ struggles to get to their appointments. Transportation, childcare, employment, mental health, language, and intimate partner violence can all factor into this. It happened almost daily that patients would come to their appointments, hoping to be seen during their lunch break. They otherwise could not get off work. Usually our wait times didn’t allow for this and they would have to reschedule. Sometimes a patient would have to reschedule three or four times before being seen. It was also common to have patients whose employers threatened termination because they missed work for an appointment with us. It was always a stressful situation, as our hands were tied. The clinic was perpetually over-scheduled and it felt like we could never meet everyone’s needs.
When the pandemic hit last year, we quickly pivoted to provide telehealth services. As business after business shut down, we stayed open. On one of the first runs of our telehealth services, we had a patient who was on their lunch break, sitting in a broom closet. They were able to have their appointment without leaving work. After seeing daily what an obstacle this was for people, I knew that telehealth was going to break boundaries when it came to access to care. Virtual doula services can break these same boundaries.
I am now looking toward my future with eagerness. I’ve gone through a lot of ups and downs since that day in the coffee shop. Each experience has served a purpose in guiding me to where I am now. As I look back, I smile at the experiences that I now integrate into my model of care. I have been navigating my life without clear directions yet something more powerful has been guiding me. How wonderful it is to put faith in that guidance to then have it be made clear years later. I am so looking forward to how my business is going to manifest in these next five years.